Plants



I moved into my new flat. It was beautiful and spotless. In my bedroom I planted my philosophy: no open surfaces. No tables or countertops. No desks or dresser-tops. Just the unavoidable floor.

I believe open surfaces are poor interfaces - they allow too much scope. Good interfaces do one thing well - they have as small scope as possible, but no smaller. You can put just about anything on a surface, so you do, and it accumulates a heap of junk.

That left me with a very empty room - just a bed and a built-in closet. And gave me a new problem to solve - how do I make a homely room with no surfaces?

Plants were the solution.

Plants with purpose

I imagined vast walls of plants. First, I got an external closet and hung plants all over it.



But that wasn’t so functional - it’s only purpose was decoration. It’s hard to fail at being a decoration so there’s no reason to improve and evolve. A decoration isn’t really “part of my life” either. I wanted something better.


When I started lifting weights more seriously, I got a squat rack. I covered it in plants.


When I lifted weights, some plants got in the way. My plants had to change shape, like the muffin-top trees that brush against London’s double-decker buses. The plants grew where they could, and were damaged where they got in the way. Changing shape as I changed my workout routine.


Growing together in symbiosis.


Definitely not Social Darwinism

I didn’t want to spend a lot of effort watering my plants all the time. I used hydrospikes to partially automate watering my plants.


Instead of watering plants, I fill large vessels.


Foolproof, but some plants don’t agree, so they die off.


I tolerate a couple plants without hydrospikes (succulents and cacti), occassionally tossing them a splash of water.

They have a low rate of survival.


These are the conditions the plants must adapt to. Or die - I’m not a botanist and I don’t have the time to be perfect. The neediest plants just won’t do. We have choose our priorities and I’m willing to allocate 20mins/week on maintenance.



Most plants adapted. A few didn’t survive.

Like this Boston fern. My air wasn’t moist enough.



I cared for each one, but I can’t, won’t save them all.

I saved these from an aphid assault by spraying them down with soapy water and rubbing the squirming insects off their leaves. It was a harrowing task that took 45/min/day for a week. I killed thousands.


Filling in the bald spots

My plant structures and walls were a bit bare. It was difficult to get density on the ceiling and shaded areas.

They needed artificial enhancement.



I don’t get as attached to the non-living. But as long as there’s one living thing in the group, I still feel for them. I operate at 60% real in my bedroom.

Find the eleven real plants, eight fake plants, nine vessels, and two giraffes in this picture.


Because fake plants are not cheap, I got a breifcase full of them from China. Half of them sit in a forgotten box, along with packages of leftover screws and tangles of excess usb cables.


Conclusion

I grew up in a forest, have an intuitive feeling for stems, leaves, and soil. I paint with all the colours of the wind.

.gif video of my jungle bedroom

06 Sep 2020