Poorest People
I’m in India right now. There’s poverty. Stick-thin limbs with pot-bellies, gnarled faces with twisted lips, hand-walking cripples… the kind of people who look worse for wear than hardcore drug addicts. Sometimes they hold an appendage out, begging for mercy. I step around them like they’re drowning worms on a rainy day. Is that analogy heinous? Yes. Disturbingly accurate. I’m desensitized.
A skin and bones man wearing a sodden cloth around his hips peeks into the entrance of the restaurant I’m exiting. A waiter blocks him and tries to usher him away. As I come closer, he stretches his palm out towards me and raises his chin dramatically. His mouth is sunken into his face and if his eyes are open, they’re virtually black.
How can such a disfigured body house a human being? It can’t. Unless it went through unfathomable torture, and I choose not to explore that possibility. His existence still makes me uncomfortable. I could help him: give him money, food, medicine… but I would only do it to ease my discomfort, not his. None of that reasoning matters because helping doesn’t even cross my mind. I have too much to worry about, alone on the frantic streets of India.
I walk past as if he doesn’t exist.
Note: Poverty in India is more readily apparent, but I’ve had comparable expieriences in China, Thailand, Laos, and Indonesia.
Normal Locals
That kind of sickening poverty is around, but not overly common. The most damning change I’ve noticed in myself is towards ‘normal’ people. There are some particularly pushy salespeople in China and India. The kind of touts that will follow you down the street while you repeatedly say ‘no’. They teach you how to be earth-shatteringly dismissive.
You see a salesperson sizing you up, 10m down the street. You fix your eyes straight ahead and use your peripheral vision to keep track of his movement. The salesperson is facing you squarely with open arms and within five meters separation, he smiles and begins his pitch,
“Hello sir!”
”-“
“Hello sir!”
You lift your hand up just above your waist, giving him a ‘stop’ signal while shaking your head, ‘no’. He turns and begins walking beside you, half facing you. He touches your upper arm.
“Where you from?”
”-“
“Would you like some-“
“No, thank you.”
“Come to my shop, I show you best clothes.”
You haven’t moved your gaze from straight ahead or changed your walking pace. You never made eye contact or gave any open body language. As far as you’re concerned, there is no one talking to you.
“Shirts or pants. I tailor make them for you now. Very good price.”
”-“
He slows down, acknowledging your rejection. You don’t even take a peek at how he reacted - it may have hinted an indication of interest.
All these sales pitches teach you to avoid people in public. You don’t know who is going to try for an unwelcome interaction, so you brush off every stranger’s attempt at catching your attention. You avoid eye contact, but when gazes do meet, you send your focus past them as if it never happened. This behaviour fends off welcome interactions too.
Real-Life Example #1
Familiar people - waiters, hotel staff, shopkeepers - wave their hands,
“Hello!”
and I dismiss them,
“No, thank you.”
failing to recognize their faces in my peripheral vision in my attempt to avoid all eye contact.
Real-Life Example #2
My waiter comes by and asks,
“Did you enjoy your meal?”
I make eye contact and my focus instinctively fades past him as if I’m talking to someone behind him.
“Yes, thank you very much.”
My eyes shift back to his face upon realizing my mistake. His smile quickly fades as he collects my dishes.